TRUMP VISIT: DAY FIVE. JULY 13 - THE DAY OF RECKONING.

Dear lord, I am exhausted by this.

I am also elated. Elated, at the sight of all my fellow supporters of rights for women, LGBTQI+ rights, disability rights, and you know, just rights of normal people who don't deserve to have their children snatched from them when they are seeking asylum.

I don't wish to focus on what the orange faced buffoon did today. It's unimportant now. What is important is that we have a voice, and we weren't listened to by our Government. Key issue: one T. May.

Do not hold his hand because he's "scared of stairs". He's bloody not. He uses that tactic to subjugate you.

And you fell for it. Nicey nicey. Do you really think that he's going to give two shits in a Handmaid's angel wings if we end up in a war the US aren't involved in? Wake up, sister. You had the chance to pull a Hugh Grant today, and you let the sisterhood down.

Now let me tell you who FUCKING DIDN'T.

copyright Michelle Brook

copyright Michelle Brook

copyright Caroline Lee

You know what? I am so FUCKING PROUD of everything you have all done today. When you feel like all is lost - when that stupid Sun "exclusive"  shows up and demeans the UK and her PM, and she PANDERS to him, it's women like all the wonderful marchers today that make me feel a little bit  of hope is left in the world.

Look, I could be totally wrong. But there have been zero news reports of any disruption, violence or general march scariness. I couldn't go, as, well, I can't stand up. And I was heartbroken. But I wore my "Make Donald Drumpf Again" hat all day and spent some time yelling at people who didn't even know what was going on. I shouldn't yell. But apparently you have to, sometimes, to just be heard.

I am not a man-hater. By ANY MEANS.  I just choose to associate with any species of being that allow me to be myself, and whom do not put me down for being different, on any number of levels. This isn't a male vs female debate. It's a dictatorship over democracy debate. But I feel like I've been let down by the head of our country by what I feel was brushing over the subject completely because she - let's face it - looks like she's intimidated by him.

These women above? And me? We're not. Come meet me, Donny. Have a light chat. Make fun of my disability to my face. Then we will see who is wearing the pants in this relationship.

Also. Mate. Gotta give you a heads up, yeah? The total number of people who turned up to protest about you today was WAY more than your inauguration "crowd". Hashtag #soznotsoz.

(Ed: number is now called at 250,000 people. Also, I am the Ed.)

Please now just leave me in peace and allow me to regain some sanity. Although I suspect that will be a long time coming.

In closing, I would like to thank some key women in my life for representin' on my behalf today. Sophie, Michelle and Caroline - never let the fuckers get you down. 

Love to all. Signing off.

TRUMP VISIT: DAY FOUR

Sightings. SO MANY FUCKING SIGHTINGS.

May I start this piece, which will be more journalistic than usual, by leaving this here as a taster.


Childish Gambino - This is America




Now. I hope you've done your homework of listening. This is the shitfight we are currently in.

A light intro, before the HARD NEWS begins. This afternoon, Donald J. Trump and his complicit wife flew over my house. Without a word between us, husband and I threw ourselves onto the balcony and started yelling "WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE! GO HOME!". And I understood what it felt to be a Trump supporter. And it felt horrible. I feel he may have seen us sending the V signs as his flunkies then flew over our house for the following two hours. I'm not a terrorist, Donny. I'm an AMERICAN CITIZEN AND I CALL THE FIRST AMENDMENT ON YOUR ARSE.

Now. The news. God, this is actually destroying my soul.

CNN (Fake News, right?), published a poll today. OK, we all know polls are skewed. You can't interview every person with every single opinion in the country - and they certainly didn't interview me - but 44% of Americans have said Obama was the best President of their lifetime. Followed by Bill Clinton at 33%, and Reagan at 32%. Like, the actor with the monkey or something. Trump is screaming into oblivity with 19%.

"The polls love me, look at the polls" - Donald Trump, every rally he's ever attended.

There is unconscious bias in polls. For example, millennials will not have recognised Reagan as a President as they basically weren't alive. Obama was the focal point of their political life, and that's not their fault, but they certainly weren't around when Clinton was going through impeachment due to the Lewinsky scandal. One of the charges was, ironically, obstruction of justice. So, we must keep in mind that there are always subconscious biases that come through in these polls. If you would like to like to look at this poll in further detail, the link is NOT here, as it broke my blog. I shall post it on my Twitter.

Let's look at the facts as they stand, from sources, rather than my opinion.

Trump wants to build a new golf course in Aberdeenshire, which has been promised to build new homes and help the community. It would appear that is not the case.

The ITV program Tonight, interviewed a lot of people living there today. Some of them were in the process of writing "RESIST" in the sand, hoping the POTUS would see it in a fly past. Cllr Martin Ford of the area said, "Mr. Trump establishes an alternative set of facts by repetition."

Alex Salmond, former First Minister of Scotland, went on to say, "He regards himself as the greatest dealmaker of all time.".

And surprisingly, or perhaps not considering his animosity with Piers Morgan (we all know the story guys), Alan Sugar said, "He has to understand (The EU) is a bigger market than you...He doesn't think what's best for the rest of the world.".

And then Sean Spicer - you remember him? The Press Secretary for the White House that couldn't find matching shoes to wear during a press briefing - gave this missive regarding a book he has contributed to; "(He is) a unicorn, riding a unicorn, over a rainbow.". Well, that has certainly cleared things right up. (Source: The Guardian).

I think if you're even reading this, we are probably on the same page. I fully support any person's right to protest for or against, so long as it's not violent or short-sighted. Have the facts to hand before you make your decision. And also, if you want to call me FAKE NEWS, I would wear it as a badge of honour.

Your move, Drumpf.

TRUMP VISIT:DAY THREE

Sighting. Albeit on the news slagging off NATO which, personally, I find INCREDIBLY helpful in a meaningful dialogue. You giant head of ego. Seriously, you should see someone.

You use the word "egregious" a lot. I would like, may I, to request one thing. Can you explain the definition of egregious? Or, for that matter. "delinquent"?



I suspect not somehow, but I will eat my hat if you are able to do it without an advisor stood next to you with a dictionary and a thesaurus whispering in your ear.

International relations is not easy. Okay. so I may have wagged all my International Relations classes when I was 17, but I'm not the Pres. I found it boring. Trade, trade, trade, tax, blah blah blah. I know it's SUPER important, please don't get me wrong, but at 17, when a big wide world is opening up to you, you just want to take a fake ID and hang out watching your favourite bands. I still got As on my exams. Doubt SillyHead would.

Friends, it's been  difficult day. England have gone out. I was more upset about Australia but there you go. We must show solidarity and that we will not let women be subjugated by this sex pest (quote: BBC Panorama - can't sue). I shall enjoy the blimp as it flies itself. God, there are some LOLs there no?

Safe passage into the night all.

TRUMP WEEK: DAY TWO

No sighting as yet.

Many documentaries watched. Still fairly convinced this dude is not a hot option right now. Anyone seen Obama recently? I feel like he's kinda free right now, and I am super tired of screaming his name in my sleep; similar to Atreyu.

So, slight self-important post. I was lucky enough to be interviewed by the Beyond Bechdel podcast. I know, right? But apparently according to the host I am reasonably entertaining. So I shall leave this link here "just in case" you're bored, or need to listen to an Australian.

Love to all. x

PS. So it would seem I am unable to put a working link on this. Which is what you're disabled and literally smashing keys to hope something is spelled right. Please look at @courtneyishere on Twitter for the URL. Sorry. Must stop saying sorry. Sorry about that.

PPS It's worth it.

TRUMP WEEK: IN BRTAAAAAIN

Well, we're all a bit excited aren't we? Goodness me, England is through to the semi-final of the World Cup football tournament and Trumpy is through to Mrs May. Good luck there son.

I shall be covering the Trump visit to Britain over the next few days with my usual caustic wit, and general malaise. Enjoy, as you watch the world go to absolute, fucking ruin; with my hilarious, disease ridden commentary

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DEALING WITH THE FACT YOU ARE PROBABLY GOING TO PEG IT

Ugh. Sooky, sooky post. I saw my arms and shoulder in the mirror today for the first time in awhile. I tend to avoid mirrors, due to the "looking like shit all the time" element. And I was incredibly frightened at how thin I look.

I know many people may think of this and be like, oh my God, I would love to be that thin. Someone, a friend, said it to me recently. "Oh my God, I would love to be that thin!". She meant no malice. But she didn't understand that this was through years of malnutrition and inability to absorb anything. The puking up all the time doesn't particularly help either.

It's not cool to comment on people looking ill. This happens to me all the time, because I've lived in the same area for over 10 years and know basically everyone around this place. Because I'm nice. Not because I'm sick. People used to call me fat, when I was on steroids. They certainly aren't doing this now. Now they just tell me I look ill.

I'm also concerned about the way the NHS is treating me. I know they're a marvellous institution, and they care, for effectively no money, but that doesn't explain why I currently get ignored despite having "urgent" marked on all referrals. My next appointment is September. I'll probably, at this rate, be dead by then.

I do my best to get up, do my best, interact. Able bodied people do not quite get how much easier it is for us to just curl up on the sofa, and cry, and sleep. I'm really struggling with this, mainly in my head. Isn't your head THE WORST?

I shall be back on good form shortly I'm sure. I just am currently staring the black dog in the face, along with my normal person issues, paying for taxis no one is asking to pay me back for (I can't walk), and just the loss of a career. I'm clearly just watching some shit TV.

Thanks for reading.

I SHALL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE DARK NIGHT

I just watched a YouTube clip of the Daily Show host and correspondents talking about how the show is made, and my heart is full of hope. Why can't a disabled, cranky, tired British woman come and be part of that show? I would kick arse (ass? - trying to acclimatise).

This show is my dream job. Let me rephrase. Dream Job. It combines my two passions; journalism and comedy. Dear Trevor Noah, please see this and know I would move country to a place that is run by my most hated person, has terrible healthcare, and I left many years ago never to return, for the opportunity.



I spent today in "group therapy", to which, again, I was the only person to show up. Not so groupy. I'm not allowed to talk about what goes on but another lady eventually showed. And talking to her, and her situation made me angry at the world. Never mind the fact we are all about to be blown up (one hour before the summit commences), it would appear I am doing a US Election special - ie staying up to watch this shit - because I CARE. I care that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. I care that someone makes sexist and misogynistic remarks at me in public. I care that I have to deal with my own personal physical pain, and absorb everyone else's. It's a thing with an empathic. You just take it on without meaning to. And I certainly care that a grown man in the street called me a "spaz" the other day. Jesus man. It's 2018. Get a better insult you tracksuit pant wearing ingrate.

All I'm saying is it's hard for someone in my position to catch a break. I feel like I try and try and try again, and sometimes someone throws you a bone and it still ends up in the bin. All I want is to be able to do what I know I'm good at, and talented at. Goddammit, Dulce worked in call centres. Snap, mate.

I hate playing the disabled/sick card but that is what is stopping everything, and it's not right. I'm fed up, and I don't want to take it anymore. Someone start paying me for this writing or - well, I'll probably keep doing it anyway.

I'm going to get up on stage and do comedy despite not being able to stand, get up the stairs to the gig room and being fucking shit arsed terrified. But you don't make a Jamie Oliver program without using more than 5 ingredients.*

Trevor, anytime you are ready, I am here mate. I think I would be an asset. And yes, this is begging. Sorry about that.

See you on the other side, peeps. I have a colander on my head. It's airier. And the wok is too heavy.


*gag specifically for my husband.